Writing from Arohananda for The Winter Discourses –
Life-conversation Sexuality and Death weekend retreats in August 2024
Death and Sexuality are primal energetic forces integral to the very fabric of existence. When I talk about energy, I am referring to the foundational creative force that transitions from stillness into vibrations, sounds, chaotic movements and shifts in temperature… at some point, there is a collision and then fusion or some structural formation, through which a biological design may become manifest. Relative to it’s particular design, each manifestation has its own system to which it will evolve and disintegrate. As the biological design of Life also wants to survive and it will sacrifice when it needs to, these designs may be alive for a few seconds or for millions of years. Life does not hold onto anything, it may decay or morph and it will evolve – but it never stays the same. Dynamic, vital and intelligent, the biological design of Life moves through sexuality and death.
What is the principle that sexuality and death operate in? To me a few words come up: birthing and elimination, sacrifice and creation. Within these fundamental forces, there is creation, and through them, everything is being manifested and is un-manifesting.
Through sexuality and death, I have watched and participated in these repeated life patterns for many years, through different ways. It is obvious to me, that through my experiences I have constructed a beginning, a middle and an end – this has been a measurement with which to engage with time and space for my life. With the partnership of my human emotions with some kind of mental capacity, I have been able to make up paradigms, habits and conclusions, past and future. Mostly, I stayed within those perceived measurements and mostly, I then became stuck in the repeated stories, stopping any kind of real growth. In a confusing way I felt secure about this but also, mostly uncomfortable.
Sexuality and Death have a formidable impression in your bodies, however often we only see them from our conventional perceptions. All the things that have been absorbed – these different clusters of family, tribes, communities, society, culture etc. that say what sexuality and death means. Mostly, what I have seen is the suppression of death and sexuality and ignorance owing to fear shown through a kind of attitude towards myself and to others, instead of the open spaciousness and generosity that these subjects should make us feel there is an “underground” anxiety. Often, than not, my thoughts have risen up about sexuality and death in an overwhelming doubtful-ness about my own emotional intelligence. The repeating cues of cultural narratives and the societies traditional (often religious) moralities can be a powerful deterrence from my simple clear intuition for my own Life.
However, gratefully, I have also enjoyed to contemplate, my own life’s understanding, and to have others to support and affirm those feelings. It has been so good to feel and engage with these innate energies, to recognise and understand the roles that Sexuality and Death play in my existence, and to know that these two are positive intimate friends, intertwined with the essence of Life.
You are that creative force in Life, and as such you will be a beneficiary and the giver of that. On that basis alone, you have everything you need to fulfil your best life, the best of you. In this context, best means, what is right for you – to feel and to enjoy the kaleidoscope of your human potential and to share that in any way you wish. However, in order to feel the truth of this, you need to allow yourself the kindness, gratitude and natural intelligence that is alive in your body. Your body is both the vehicle and the driver of creativity. Sexuality and Death are the particular proponents of that and this is a Life-affirming process.
If you do not feel the positivity of sexuality and death, that is not unusual. The structures of many cultures and societies have not necessarily been made to support and uphold death or sexuality as motivators to be fully alive. To take the right to explore what it means to feel your sexuality and death and how those two promote Life’s possibilities, is gutsy and Profound. It means that you will have to define your Life outside the boundaries of the usual conventional rules. It is profound to feel and understand the creative spirit of your sexuality and also the process of death or decay. Although this may not feel comfortable, your great understandings happen mostly through uncomfortableness, for it is in the unknown where you feel vibrant and fully alive.
